Twenty:
13th January 2022
So here I am. The big Two-O. No “teen” suffix to make me feel like I’m still a teenager; I’m now a straight-up adult, who should be out doing adult things. But still, I don't really feel much of a change at all. Yeah, I know; obviously that'll happen because it's only been a day since I was 19, but I mean I don't really feel like I've changed much since I was like 15. There were things I've wanted to do, people I wanted to see, places I wanted to go, but ever since that bug walked out of that lab, everything else has ground to a halt. I still can't drive a car (not legally at least; I've had almost three years-worth of lessons), my social skills are still pretty lacking (but kinda getting better) and I'm trapped on this island because of all these restrictions, when I could be out travelling. Most of all though, I seem to have very little drive towards making stuff. I guess I'm just kinda shy and shoving my face in front of a camera, like I planned to do after my A-Levels, isn't really my strong point, and I've been thinking of making a couple videos here and there but my plans of doing all these big bombastic online works seem to have fallen to the wayside. I suppose I do need to get some people together to help create something big, especially if I want to have a future in media, but then again, I'm not exactly good with people. I'm planning on doing this placement for university, so maybe that might help get my foot in the door, but so far it's been a really long and tedious process. Still, I'm starting to get involved with using the equipment at uni and might get something together soon, so baby steps I guess.

So then, where do I see myself by thirty? Ideally married, getting deeper into my career, living in my own house, and maybe even having a kid. Is that all unrealistic? Yeah, probably. And not just in a whole "not in this economy" kind of way, but also because I've still got far to go until I can get there. I'm still really co-dependent and can't seem to take responsibility over much at all really, so expecting myself to clean my act up and become a super-successful and dependable guy seems like quite a daunting task. Yeah, it's ten years, and yeah, I'll have many more opportunities to grow my career and relationships in that much time, but I suppose developing those things is like a lifelong process. I've just got to get involved at some point and not end up like Chris-Chan or someone like him by expecting the world around me to bend to my will. Personally, I don't mind not having a massive ring of connections since I've always preferred my own company. Sure, I guess it's nice to be out with the boys, but just one or two life partners (whether they be lads or lasses) is all right. Honestly, I'm kinda rambling at this point, laying out my thoughts as I go along, but the main thing I'm trying to say is that I've gotta be a "good guy", I suppose. I've legally been an adult for two years now, but now I've got to work on actually being one. Going out there, seeing some stuff, making connections, finding someone, settling down and being successful. It's been a little under twenty years since I entered this world on that cold January night, and judging by my relatives, I've got another 60 years ahead of me, so I've definitely gotta realise my hopes and ambitions from now on, and live the best life I can.

(Now watch me go back to sitting on my ass and browsing the internet for another week or so.)